If, and only if

[Hunter_destruction]

Ohhh look Fladian! A pretty butterfly! Go chase after it!!

 

[Fladian]

*runs off*
*jumps into the sky*
*remembers that he is in his own room, which really has a little space to walk in, so smashes into a wall*

Hey. He tricked me.

 

[Hunter_destruction]

*runs off*
*jumps into the sky*
*remembers that he is in his own room, which really has a little space to walk in, so smashes into a wall*

Hey. He tricked me.
[/b]

Well at elast it distracted you for 4 minutes.

 

[Fladian]

Four full minutes? Was it really four long minutes? 240 seconds? :\

 

[ragingspeedhorn]

I have a feeling it was closer to 30 seconds

 

[Hunter_destruction]

I have a feeling it was closer to 30 seconds
[/b]

You can check. The time I posted, and the time Fladian posted.

 

[ragingspeedhorn]

I still think it didnt take him 4 minutes to both read and answer to that

 

[Fladian]

Okay, okay, enough fun guys. All other threads are fine, but keep my story threads out of the off-topicness, alright? I am interested in hearing people's opinion about this.

 

[ragingspeedhorn]

Ok, My opinion on what I read of it was that I didnt like it much, bit boring imo, the msn guy one pwned this one...

 

[Fladian]

Did you really read it, Raging? This is a story I remain quite... proud of. Most of my stories are posted, but don't leave me with a satisfied feeling. This one did... as a matter of fact, this one really was a big success of mine.

 

[ragingspeedhorn]

Didnt read all of it but some, didnt like it that much. Still saying the msn guy one was better.

 

[Daveman]

good story, except it took me like a year to read

 

[Undead_Lives]

Alright, I finally finished ALL of it, and I really enjoyed it. First, I'll point out the mistakes. Then I will talk about the stuff that I enjoyed.
Ok...
1. Don't forget the comma rule! When you write with quotes "bla bla bla," said Jimmy. DO NOT FORGET THE COMMA!
2. When you use numbers just as they are (ie "3") don't. Instead, write the number as a word.
3. Replace OK with "alright". It sounds better.
4. Sometimes the context that you are writing in wains. Don't forget your tenses!
5. There is no clear narrarator to me when you talk about the champions. This is the only thing I really dislike about the story.
6. No.1 should be replaced with "number one", "top" or "best".
Things that I enjoyed:
1. I got really engaged in the story. The world was so real that I could see myself standing there, watching it all happen. It takes a good story to do that.
2. I liked how you switched between the story of the champions and the story of Lince. I liked the cliff hangers.
3. I really liked how you made so little spelling and grammar mistakes XD. The story was very easy to read.
4. I like where you ended it. It gives a lot of space to continue it. But you must continue it! You must!
Overall, a GREAT story.

 

[Fladian]

1. Don't forget the comma rule! When you write with quotes "bla bla bla," said Jimmy. DO NOT FORGET THE COMMA! [/b]

True, I missed that from time to time. No excuse for it here, just something I probably forgot. I can't remember everything from when I wrote it. It has been a year ago by now after all.

2. When you use numbers just as they are (ie "3") don't. Instead, write the number as a word.[/b]

Something I tell as well. In times when I had to hurry, I did use 'normal numbers', but in this case, I used it whenever I felt fit. I can't recall using enough numbers to point it out too much.

3. Replace OK with "alright". It sounds better.[/b]

If I used the words "OK" (which is a word I NEVER use(d)), then it is definitely by accident, or it is used as an example. "Jimmy lifted his thumb, notifying Marc that it was OK."

4. Sometimes the context that you are writing in wains. Don't forget your tenses![/b]

I explained this somewhere... but where?
If and only if was made when I was at work. I don't think it is necessary to say that I shouldn't write such things during work, so I had to take a look at the two doors of the building/office every few seconds. Mistakes, forgotten words and most of what is mentioned here is the result of it. The first person who can write without mistakes in such a situation is someone I have yet to meet.
I never corrected the mistakes because If and only if is too long to correct in one hour/day.

5. There is no clear narrarator to me when you talk about the champions. This is the only thing I really dislike about the story.[/b]

True. I couldn't decide who was 'telling' the story. Especially because Terres, Dale, Herasiel and Lince's (who is originally the main character) role are very important.

6. No.1 should be replaced with "number one" "top" or "best".[/b]

I still prefer 'No.1' though. It is one of the only shortage habits I have.

Things that I enjoyed:
Will be posted later. Gotta sleep XD
[/b]

Ah, okay.

Only one part of the story was made when I was home, all others were made when I was at work. With everyone who says that If and only if is long, is someone I agree with. Definitely not long compared to a real book, but it is a fact that it is long enough to annoy me when I have to correct the mistakes.

 

[Undead_Lives]

Ok, I finished my post.
Don't forget, continue this story!!!