The Alcohol Story

[r0khan]

I happen to be in high elevation and my brain has most likely is feeling dillusional. greetz
~r0khan

 

[Undead_Lives]

I won't delete it, don't worry.
ok:
1. Terrible grammar. It was absolutely horrendous, I couldn't possibly point out all the mistakes. But I'm guessig your not originally from an English speaking country and that's why.
2. You shift between first person and third person a lot. Don't do that.
3. The story itself was really all over the place. Try to plan out what you're going to say, and give it some flow.

 

[Alekill]

lolololololol hes from california ha but i like the story very much

 

[Undead_Lives]

That's why I said ORIGINALLY from another country Alekill.

 

[r0khan]

lol im born and raised in cali. I just havent been to school since its summer, i felt like doing something and I guess im not good @ it ;P thanks to you, i'll never write another story again

 

[Undead_Lives]

Nono, don't say that r0k. I didn't mean it like that.
You probably just have to read over your story then, because many of the mistakes were very obvious. If you don't read over your typing, well you can get some pretty bad results, even I've had that experience

 

[Alekill]

i think he was jokung undead

 

[Moagrim]

I happen to be in high elevation and my brain has most likely is feeling dillusional. greetz
[/b]

Was that his actual story?? it's a bit short.....

 

[Undead_Lives]

I believe he removed it...
r0k what happened?

 

[Alekill]

lol where did it go r0khan?

 

[Moagrim]

Well that explains my confusion, lol

 

[Undead_Lives]

I believe r0k has decided not to keep his story up so this topic is Closed.
r0k PM me if you want to put it back up, I will reopen this thread.