Possessed

Tenebrae

New Member
Since the site went down, this poem was lost, so I decided to repost it. I also re-edited it because it had a few mistakes (Undead_Lives, thanks for pointing those out). For those of you who haven't read it yet, it was originally about the badguy in a book I'm writing, but I've changed the story, so now it's just my view of what it might be like for someone to be possessed by a demon.

Possessed

No one knows the conflict within me.
On the surface, I am seen as a figure of power
Who can inflict fear within a man
With but a glance from my burning eyes,
Eyes that do not belong to me,
But to the monster inside of me.
Nightmares assault me every moment of my existence.
My tormented soul, trapped within my body but unable to control it,
Endures endless pain and agony
At the hands of he who destroyed everything that made me human.
Now my body houses another being from a darker world,
A being who forces me to destroy entire civilizations against my will.
Once my sword was wielded in the name of justice.
But now it is used to bring out this demon?s evil plans.
On that day that I allowed him to enter my body,
I became powerful enough to claim vengeance
On those who destroyed everything that I held close.
But because of my decision, I slowly lost my humanity
Until all that was left of who I once was
Is the tortured soul that watches as my body is used to fight what I once defended.
Though I claimed vengeance on my adversaries,
It was only so that a greater force would be created
To destroy the world that I once knew.
Because of my own selfishness,
I have become the very thing I thought I was fighting.
 
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Undead_Lives

New Member
Well, it's good, but...I just don't get very much depth. By reading it, I can't really imagine this person...
Other than that, you used "me" and "my" too much for my liking. Well anyways, that's all I got to say.
 

Tenebrae

New Member
It's not meant to describe what he looks like as much as what he is going through. When I feel like doing it, I'll draw a picture of him and stick it in the gallery, just for those of you who are curious as to what the most powerful villain in the Crimson Vortex Galaxy looks like.
 

Undead_Lives

New Member
Sorry, I didn't mean what he looks like. I should have been more specific.
I mean that I can't really imagine this person's character. Great poets describe things that make you immediately feel as if you know everything about what they are talking about.
 

james1654

New Member
Not necesarily. Mystery in a poem can be used perfectly. But there is a diference between mystery and missing out information. This poem has mystery.

I like it, its a cross between a bit of a story, and a poem, which is what . . . it is . . .
 

Fladian

New Member
I've read it already... and I read it again... and again. I read it over and over, but there is something I miss, something I can't be confident in saying. Therefore I kept myself there in silence for a while.

So... *no comments*
 

Fladian

New Member
If only I knew. I pointed out in my first post in this thread that I found something missing in the poem, but I never found what was missing. I meant with my latest post that I hoped someone could fill me in with what I meant, as Undead also considerd it.
 

Fladian

New Member
What? Again, that made no sense.
I said I was missing something in that poem. It could be what Undead said, but it could also be that I knew too little of the character to begin with. There was just something I missed in the poem which resulted in me not being able to give a clear explanation about it, or judge if it is a good or bad poem.
 
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Tenebrae

New Member
Well, I'm not exactly the best poet in the world, so I guess the wording might be a bit confusing. It seems like since I know what it is about, it is kind of hard for me to describe it in a way that someone who doesn't know what it is about will understand.
 
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