Untitled...I think

A story I just made up, I didn't even read over it, I just went along with whatever poped into my dead:
Enjoy? I don't know.
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I poured myself some water out of the bathroom sink. What was so good about water anyways? It has no flavor, I hate it. I drank it quickly and felt sick. I looked at myself in the mirror and just stared. I wondered why I was so upset, so mad, it occured to me as soon as I heard a yell. My drunken father returned from "work" I was sick of him. Every night he'd come home wasted and beat someone until they ceased fighting back. I walked back into my room without making a sound. It was a sunday and as usual I still had to do my homework, it was 11:27PM but no one in our house slept until after our father came home and fell asleep as to avoid him. The house fell silent at around 12 and I got tired as soon as it did. I slept until 5:00AM when I woke up, before my dad, and ran to school early. I hated school too, but not as much as I hated home. School was more of a getaway than anything else and I decided to skip class.

I was walking down the hall as I saw a teacher walking down towards me, crap, I knew I was in for trouble if I was caught. I sprinted to my right and faced a door with the word "Roof" on it. I couldn't read. I never paid attention to it. I knew some words though, by memory, but that was it. I went through the door. I realized at once that I was on top of the building and turned to go back but the door shut and locked. I was trapped for sure because I couldn't get out without catching someones attention and if I were caught up here I would get into more trouble.

A loudspeaker announcment came on "...please report to the main office" They were calling me, I wouldn't go...I couldn't. I waited on the roof until I saw a van pull up, it was my dad. Dammit, now that he was here there was no going back, he would beat me if he found me - sirens were audiable in the distance - it couln't be... Cops pulled up b the side of the school and rushed in. I waited, for what seemed a long time, but maybe only ten minutes, the roof door slammed open. "Don't move" one cop yelled. I took a step backwarda, I was screwed, I was in too deep. I otok another step backwards, I wanted to get away. "Remain calm we mean no harm" The cop said again with an out streched arm. I couldn't say anything, my voice was frozen. I took another step backwards for every step he took fowards.

The last thing I remembered was one step backward and a trip. The rest is a mystery even for me.
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Yup. Just like (Kem?) I get ideas at night, this was just random. Crazy ideas pop into my head, thats it. Except that one kid did go onto the roof and was going to jump off of it, that was the only truth to the story, that happened like 4 days ago...A yes, im tired. I still need to do homework
 
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Undead_Lives

New Member
It's good. I think it tells a lot about some people's lives. Good ending.
Gramatical errors kinda threw me off in some parts, but otherwise it was very good. The lenght is perfect, in my opinion.
 

Kem Rixen

New Member
Its a nice story, as said before quite a few grammatical errors. Some parts are unclear because of this which hurts the story a little. I like the length, its quite nice. There isn't much to say about this really, I'm sure Fladian will have something interesting to say. I'm giving it a 3/5, it can't be any better with the errors.
 

Fladian

New Member
Its a nice story, as said before quite a few grammatical errors. Some parts are unclear because of this which hurts the story a little. I like the length, its quite nice. There isn't much to say about this really, I'm sure Fladian will have something interesting to say. I'm giving it a 3/5, it can't be any better with the errors.
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I haven't read it yet because I forgot about it, and am watching TV right now. But I'll read it in after the program I'm watches ends.

But why say that I have something interesting to say? :p It's not like it happens too often that I say something interesting ;)
 
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