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Anything & Everything
Stories
Betrayal
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<blockquote data-quote="Warnicro" data-source="post: 114975" data-attributes="member: 5855"><p>Its betrayal instead of Betrayl. =)</p><p></p><p>What is sooths ment to be?</p><p></p><p>But the time for the truth has come <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /> </p><p></p><p>I suggest using a little less than 3 times or in a sentence.</p><p></p><p>hmm, I dunno what you wish to indicate with this line, but its not entirly correct.</p><p></p><p>she has lain to you, like to all the other men</p><p></p><p></p><p>This comparison isn't entirely correct, you should rephrase this line.</p><p></p><p>once again its betrayal</p><p></p><p></p><p>Suggestion...</p><p>She has become the devil herself. and you are her only feeding(or some other word useable)</p><p></p><p>In overall the concept is nice, but I suggest using a spelling checker before putting it up, and you should try to work some on the grammer as well.</p><p>It's hard to critic a poam (I used to write as well) cause there are many sides to a poam, but the base is that you need a good spelling as well as a proper grammer setup, then a proportion of imagination (which you had).</p><p>You had a few nice counters, but some could really use some pollishing up.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Warnicro, post: 114975, member: 5855"] Its betrayal instead of Betrayl. =) What is sooths ment to be? But the time for the truth has come :D I suggest using a little less than 3 times or in a sentence. hmm, I dunno what you wish to indicate with this line, but its not entirly correct. she has lain to you, like to all the other men This comparison isn't entirely correct, you should rephrase this line. once again its betrayal Suggestion... She has become the devil herself. and you are her only feeding(or some other word useable) In overall the concept is nice, but I suggest using a spelling checker before putting it up, and you should try to work some on the grammer as well. It's hard to critic a poam (I used to write as well) cause there are many sides to a poam, but the base is that you need a good spelling as well as a proper grammer setup, then a proportion of imagination (which you had). You had a few nice counters, but some could really use some pollishing up. [/QUOTE]
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Anything & Everything
Stories
Betrayal
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