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Anything & Everything
Stories
A story I made
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<blockquote data-quote="Hunter_destruction" data-source="post: 111230" data-attributes="member: 5836"><p>I think you should have described the beast more - - what about the body?</p><p></p><p>Also a common mistake was that you said "he's" (which is supposed to be "his") and when there is dialog the dialog is usally a new paragraph, it makes it easier to read.</p><p></p><p>I liked the story up until - </p><p>I didn't like that, at all.</p><p></p><p>Why does the beast tell Ben that if he kills him he gets his friends back? If I were the beast I wouldn't. </p><p></p><p>Also at the end of the story they act like nothing had happened, </p><p>It seems like that happens every day for them.</p><p>"It's ok, you guys got your heads bitten off and stuff, but it doesn't matter!" Ben said.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Besides that the story was O.K.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hunter_destruction, post: 111230, member: 5836"] I think you should have described the beast more - - what about the body? Also a common mistake was that you said "he's" (which is supposed to be "his") and when there is dialog the dialog is usally a new paragraph, it makes it easier to read. I liked the story up until - I didn't like that, at all. Why does the beast tell Ben that if he kills him he gets his friends back? If I were the beast I wouldn't. Also at the end of the story they act like nothing had happened, It seems like that happens every day for them. "It's ok, you guys got your heads bitten off and stuff, but it doesn't matter!" Ben said. Besides that the story was O.K. [/QUOTE]
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Anything & Everything
Stories
A story I made
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