The less-than-ordinary life of Kem Rixen

Kem Rixen

New Member
I'm thinking of continuing this, what do you think of it so far, it's the begining of a long story that I may or may not write. It's my first attempt at writing in a long time, I'm a bit rusty.

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Then I woke up. Not waking up as in the sense of being knocked out from fighting off hundreds of space aliens, nor in the sense of consuming massive amounts of alcohol and waking up in the morning not remembering the previous night. This was the now less-than-standard waking up, as in waking up after a good nights sleep. I lifted up my grayish-blue bed sheets, they were original blue; time has worn out most of the color. I sat up in bed, swung my feet around and firmly planted them upon the floor, all the while trying to remember the previous nights’ dream. By the time I had reached the bathroom my mind had left that topic completely, it was on sports. Calvin Ball1, the national sport, was starting in a few days; I couldn’t wait to watch it, always original.



After doing all the hygienic things one does in the morning I walked down the staircase, the one nearest the button is always squeaky, I avoided it, leaping from the second step nearest the bottom to the floor. From the staircase I followed the hallway, ending up in the kitchen, a disgusting looking room, the previous tenants had painted it terribly; due to the busyness of moving in I hadn’t had time to paint it yet. I tried to ignore the paint job, however I couldn’t; as I poured the milk into my bowl of cereal the milk turned to the reddish-brown paint on the walls, blinking quickly it turned back into milk.



Upon finishing breakfast I headed out the door to work, in a good mood I skipped. Whilst skipping I passed a young girl and a women, I assumed she was the mother, or a kidnapper, the latter seems less likely. The mother pulled the child closer to her; I could hear the “mother†whisper, “Janie, stay closer to me, that man could is crazy.†I smiled and waved at them; upon doing so the mother picked up her child and ran down the street, clearly attempting to open her purse, to grab her cell phone most likely.



Ignoring this less-then-ordinary incident I continued my skip to work, note how it isn’t a walk to work but a skip, I am not walking I am skipping. Upon reaching the grey building in which I work I realize it isn’t there, similar to the old saying when you lose things, “it’s not as if it grew legs and walked away.†Well in this case I think it did. A few of my co-workers were standing there awkwardly as well, pondering to themselves what had happened here. I approached them and asked…







1Calvin Ball is a reference to a game played in the comic Calvin and Hobbes, the game only had one rule; the game can never be played the same way twice
 
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Fladian

New Member
A good story, though it was clear little- to nothing happened, it was enjoyable none the less. I do have a few comments to make.

You are using a lot of details. I personally like that a lot. But it will not be appreciated by just everyone. Therefore, if you don't enjoy writing those details, I suggest using less, since it will only be annoying for yourself if you write the amount without the motivation of writing it.
I, for one, enjoy writing details - but that is very clearly visible in my normal average post. I'm afraid I can't write in a different style than I do now. I tried it more than once, but I just can't.

His own name was never spoken. Though I can imagine why, I am a little saddend that it was never mentioned. Would this be rating, no penalty would be given since it is only a personal opinion. Despite being bad in remembering names, I enjoy knowing them since I am extremely interested in what names are given to the persons. A name like 'Oscar', will never appear in a story of mine, because I don't like the name - if they do appear, then the character is less- to not important at all.
Though a name was mentioned in the name of the thread, "Kem Rixen", it has never been confirmed if that is the person who is being accurately followed. For all I know, it could be one of his co-workers or the husband of the wife who thought him to be a criminal.
Despite I cannot remember who said it, "never assume anything." Though not necessarily a fitting quote in this case :p

Regardless, it is a nice story, and I, for one, will be looking forward to more of it.

1Calvin Ball is a reference to a game played in the comic Calvin and Hobbes, the game only had one rule; the game can never be played the same way twice
[/b]
Doesn't ring a bell for me, sorry.
 

Kem Rixen

New Member
You are using a lot of details. I personally like that a lot. But it will not be appreciated by just everyone. Therefore, if you don't enjoy writing those details, I suggest using less, since it will only be annoying for yourself if you write the amount without the motivation of writing it.
I, for one, enjoy writing details - but that is very clearly visible in my normal average post. I'm afraid I can't write in a different style than I do now. I tried it more than once, but I just can't.[/b]
I wanted to see how many details I could possibly add before going overboard, I think I reached a nice medium.
Doesn't ring a bell for me, sorry. [/b]
Hence the footnote ;)

Uggh, the forums ruined my formatting on the footnote...
 

Fladian

New Member
It were probably just his looks. Believe me, I don't look very attractive when I still had my long hair and I forgot to shave - I wouldn't blame anyone for mistaking me as a criminal then.

Though a little exxagerated reaction, we never did learn how the person looked like, or perhaps that was JetPack's intention, which I think it is.
 

Escurial

New Member
Yea leaving you wonder why the women thinks he's insane.

But he did shave.
After doing all the hygienic things one does in the morning I walked down the staircase,[/b]
So he gotta have something really weird on him...or not on him...
 

Fladian

New Member
It is supposed to be like that, or at least, that's what I think. I have a hunch about this story.

But he did shave.[/b]
Not necessarily. Whether, I have to shave - and want to shave - one day after each other, I just can't. Several people's skin is too sensitive to shave two days straight in a row. Luckily, I don't have a fast beard grow, in opposite of my brother.

Don't forget that some people just look... a tad weird, natural.
 

james1654

New Member
Im too lazy to read it. But, im sure that if Fladian likes it, its probably really good, Fladian is allways right about everything.

Lol, fladian is like a child in a sweetshop here in storis galore. dunnop how the hell he reads everything. But it's good, cos hes reveiws of stories r allways a good guide.

quote

Upon finishing breakfast I headed out the door to work, in a good mood I skipped. Whilst skipping I passed a young girl and a women, I assumed she was the mother, or a kidnapper, the latter seems less likely. The mother pulled the child closer to her; I could hear the “mother†whisper, “Janie, stay closer to me, that man could is crazy.†I smiled and waved at them; upon doing so the mother picked up her child and ran down the street, clearly attempting to open her purse, to grab her cell phone most likely.


Erm, does anyone else see that funny font above. For some reason, there is a funny sort of lettering for it.



p.s: Fladian, whats the weather forecast for tomorow, cant be bothered to find it out myself.
 

Fladian

New Member
From where the sudden interest in me? =\

I'm not right about everything. If I was, I wouldn't be in such deep trouble with my school grades :p
Because of the study course I am hoping to do, I am learning myself to read a lot, fast and to quickly understand what I'm writing. Despite that English isn't my first language, I read it with no real trouble. If my reviews are any good remains an opinion. I have no further comments to make on that =)

I don't got any problem with that font when I read the story. It must be you; sorry.

The weather forecast? You're English, aren't you? I'm Dutch. I don't think we have the same weather forecast. But out here the weather forecast is: "Mostly dry and with a maximum of 5 degrees."
 

Undead_Lives

New Member
Weather forcast aside.......lol
I thought it was good..tho wat Flad said was true. It went no where. The details are good, but there is such a thing as too many details (Flad looks shocked lol :p). You see, the reasoning is, if you explain SO much about the setting, or character or whatever, you loose the reader's attention and focus because the reader A: gets bored of the constant descriptions and B: there is no action.
Overall, good intro, I think it's a little short, but hey, I never write anything short, so that's a biased opinion :p
 
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Kem Rixen

New Member
Well I've got a three-day weekend so I'm going to try to write more of this and get through the huge amount of stories here I haven't had time to read.
 
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