I walk alone

Fladian

New Member
Lately more and more people have been asking me to show them a story I made. 'Rick wake up' is a short and easy to read story, mostly because nothing really happens in the story and it is a quick read. This story has been written in two days of time, in total of about four - six hours. Written in the way I wrote 'Rick wake up' only over a time of two days instead of one day. So don't expect anything grand.

Like Rick wake up, this is another fine 'nothing-going-on' story, but a nice one for a quick read. Reasons, motivation and inspiration can be found at the bottom of the post.

The title of the story, which is still 'untitled' at the moment when I write this, is something I have no comments on. I don't got a clue (yet) how to call it, even now I finished the story. Don't quote me on that. :p

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I could hardly believe my eyes when I opened my door. Snow. Snow, everywhere I looked; on the houses, on the streets, everything was white and not a single person on the street. The streets were empty and deserted and the snow was untouched. For a second, it felt like an entire world was created in an instant when I opened that door; a new world and that I was the first being that may enter it.

After only a second of looking at the snow, which felt like an eternity I took my first step on the snowy street. Despite wearing thick socks and heavy shoes, I could feel my feet growing cold within a matter of seconds. The weather forecast predicted some cold weather, but the only thing I heard from it was how the temperature was going to be in the afternoon. It's only logical that the temperature would drop dramaticly during the night.
Right after I took my first step on the white street, I could hear and actually feel someone sneezing right next to me... or actually, right on me. As a reaction, I immediately looked to the side of me, to discover who sneezed.

"Sorry about that mate," the man next to me spoke in a kind tone as he quickly took a step back. You could easily see from his facial expression that he was surprised that I didn't get mad because of what he did.

"Don't worry about it," I answered him in a similar tone of my voice. I slowly turned towards him, following my head that earlier turned towards him. With an even slower movement, I removed the woolen hat from my head and displaying my bald head that nearly shined in the moon light. Because several snow flocks that fell down felt extremely cold to my unprotected head, I quickly returned the grey hat with white stripes to its earlier position. Quickly afterwards I created a friendly smile on my face and faced the young man again. "It could happen to everyone."

The black haired man, that was definitely not older than twentythree looked at me in a more comfortable way. "Yeah, well, it just happened, you know?" He quickly spoke with a little smile on his face as well. A careful and a bit forced smile, but a smile nonetheless. His carefulness did not match his appearance at all; when I first turned towards him I was slowly preparing for trouble. His black leather jacket and daring grey jeans made me feel uncomfortable when I first laid my eyes on him.

My smile didn't disappear for even a moment while looking at him. "Seriously," I started while I placed my right hand on the shoulder of the shorter man in front of me. "There is nothing to worry about. Something like that could happen to everyone," I explained again but in a more trusting tone, as if my intention was to let the man get more comfortable. "Cigarrete?"

The careful forced smile quickly transformed into a natural inviting one as he gratefully accepted my offer and grabbed a cigarrete from my chest-pocket in a way as if we have been the best of friends for years. "Thanks mate. I was out," he quickly mentioned after taking one while searching for a light in his left pocket from his jacket.

I finally removed my hand from his shoulder and slowly started to turn the other way. "I should get going," I softly mentioned. With a slow movement I pushed my hat a bit down and my jacket a bit up and started to walk the other way. When I finally turned away from him, I could hear him sneeze again. Luckily, I didn't feel it this time.

"Well, if you're in the area again during normal day time," was shouted at me from behind. "Then uh... then I'll buy you a drink, old man."

A small smile appeared on my face as I continued down the road over the snowy hills that slowly formed on the way. Despite that every part of the road was covered with the white carpet that was lightened by the street lanterns or the moon light, the falling snow didn't stop and kept falling. It increased the cold temperature a bit and it quickly made me realize that it was best if I kept my hands in my pockets, where it was warmer. I immediately felt the key of my hotel in my left pocket the moment I placed my hands in my jacket pockets. In my other pocket, I felt that I kept my notebook, pen and car keys there. My car keys were useless to have around though, as my car was completely impossible to use. After a car accident last month, the car was completely useless to drive with and I was informed that the earliest time I could use it again was within one and a half month; meaning that I'd be stuck in this city for a while longer. I heavily sighed when I thought of it again. The bills of the hotel were rising, and if my calculations were right, I'd be out of money about three or four days before my car was fully repaired.

I closed my eyes and sighed while thinking of my worries. When I opened my eyes again, I finally saw an old bearded man sitting in a corner out of the snow. The poor man tried everything in his power to stay warm under a small thin and torn blanket. The blanket had all kind of figures on it, but everything looked grey to me. I softly walked throughout the snow towards the homeless man who looked just as pale as his clothes and the snow. When I see people like that, I often try to think that they were rich once. A rich arrogant man, preferrable, someone I wouldn't have any compassion for. I always hoped that he was rich and lost all his money in some kind of deal, and deserved to live like this. But often I don't even believe my self and could find myself standing in front of the homeless man and give him some spare money I had left... just like I did now. "Some people just don't know how hard your life is."

The bearded man looked up to me, standing in front of me. The thick grey jacket of mine looked warm and cuzzy in opposite of the old and torn clothes of the older man. He had the perfect looks for a homeless man: The old dusty white jacket and some torn black pants of a material I cannot recognize because it being partly covered by the blanket and much snow. But what gave him the crown for being realistic were his eyes. They looked desperate and always trying to search for a way to live a day longer; especially with this cold weather. This time it wasn't just desperateness that could be read from his eyes, but they were also filled with gratefulness when he received some money from me.
"Tha... Thank you!" the man, who was clearly older than me tried to shout to me, but because of the cold, his words didn't come out the way he wanted to. He didn't sound as grateful as he would like to be, but I didn't show any uncomfortable towards him. I kept looking at him with a natural friendly smile. Some people said that if I had to choose an expression to use for the rest of my life, I'd choose an inviting smile. "Y... You don't know how right you are, mister."

The smile on my face didn't disappear when I heard him say that, actually, the smile became even more natural than it was before. Immediately afterwards I gave him my business card. "Go there, it will at least keep you warm," I said, trying to sound as inviting as possible. "Unfortunately, it is all that I can offer."

"Anything is fine! This is great! You are great! Praise you!" The old man kept thanking me in every possible way. Slowly, tears started to appear in the eyes of the old man. He probably has been ignored for days now, despite constantly begging. It's not the first time I've offered shelter and money to a homeless person, but it rarely happens that they are grateful enough that they start to cry. That only happens when they have been forgotten by the people around them, and ignored by people who pass by.

I nodded to the old man and I left him sitting there on the old grey wooden crate and started to continue to walk towards my hotel. I was starting to wonder if I would encounter even more people at this time of day... or night. I didn't expect that I would see anyone sane on these streets when I would walk home. The best thing I would expect was a drunk man trying to find his way home, or some teenagers that were still partying for a particular reason. Even with the snow that looked as if it would never stop falling, some people would always be interested in partying. A teenager once told me that "partying is the best thing of being young," and in a way, I must admit that he was right, but I never really managed to party much.
I took my hat from my head again and quickly felt the snow falling on my bald head. With my hands, still covered with gloves, I placed my hands on my head, discovering that I was completely bald. When I was young, people found out that I had a dangerous disease that was hard, if not impossible to cure. After many tests, my hair just stopped growing and I eventually grew bald. From that day onward, I missed having no hair on my head. Though those who always had it, or removed it on their own free will won't mind it at all, but for someone who was forced to become bald it is a hard thing to miss. "Don't worry Alex, being bald has its good parts as well. You never have to wash your hair, for instance," told the doctor to me when they discovered my hair wouldn't grow back on. I laughed at the joke and became happy for the following few days, but I quickly found myself getting depressed. During that time, especially during that time, I loved my hair. It felt like my entire head was a danger-area. I was born with a problem with my eyes, and lost a piece of my ear during a brawl in a pub several years ago. That my hair doesn't want to grow back on is yet another addition to all of it.
While thinking of all kind of thoughts, I didn't really realize that I reached my hotel until a woman who also stayed in the hotel spoke to me. "Oh, isn't that you, Mister Brooks?"

As if it was a reflex, I immediately stopped walking and looked to the side of me, to see one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life. She was staying in the hotel as well, just like me and we met each other when we checked in. At that moment, I immediatelly fell for her looks. Her long dark hair was beautiful and her body was the one of a real woman. She was not afraid of showing it either, her long clear grey coat was a pleasure to the eyes earlier when I met her in the lobby. Even now she is willing to show her looks. Her long dark dress fitted her body perfectly and it almost looked as if she wasn't afraid of catching a cold. The temprature outside was freezing and even after clothing as thick as I was, I still felt cold. She was only dressed in a quite thin dress and a cigarrete in her left hand, but she didn't shiver from the cold for even a second. It was if the temprature around her was that of a spring climate, and not cold at all.
"Hello Chandra," I finally said after being stunned by her looks for a few seconds.

A giant smile appeared on the face of Chandra upon hearing my answer. "I'm glad you remember me, Mister Brooks."

In return, I created yet another smile on my face. "Call me Alex."

"Alright, Alex," the woman said, still smiling happily while looking towards me. "Where are you going so late at night, Alex?"

I pushed the sleeve of my jacket a bit up so I could see my silver watch on my wrist. I always hated the people for complimenting the golden watch. They loved the color, something I never knew, or ever will know. I took a step back when I saw the time. I knew it was late, but I didn't think it was nearly 2 AM in the night. Now I was even more surprised that I met the rebelious young man on the street and the homeless man that was still awake. "I didn't know it was that late," I quickly answered her, still in shock. "What are you doing up anyway?" I asked her when I recovered from my current shock state.

"I just arrived in the hotel," she answered. "After checking in, I immediately went to a good friend of mine. His constant sneezing was annoying though." The way she told me felt as if the two of us knew each other for years already, but that wasn't true. We only met each other once, in the lobby. Our personalities matched a bit with each other, so it felt like we knew each other longer than just that little time.

"Ah, I see," I quickly answered out of pure happiness. "So you are just smoking your last one, before... uh," I stuttered for a moment, "before going to bed?"

Her eyes became a little narrow as she looked at me with a sly look. "If you are referring to the fact that my "friend" is already in bed and waiting for me, you're wrong, Alex," she answered. "He left in your direction. You might have met him along the way."

The smile remained on my face. "Sorry, I only met a homeless guy."

"Homeless?"

"Yeah, someone along the road who was trying to find something to warm himself up with. Someone without a home," I explained.

"Alex," she sighed. Not a sigh in a negative way, but a sigh nonetheless. "I know what homeless means," she answered me with a tone in her voice as if she thought I was a 'hopeless cause.' "But don't tell me you actually gave him any attention!"

"Well... actually," I smirkingly answered. Despite knowing me only for about an hour or so, she knew that I couldn't ignore a desperate or helpless face. Despite her saying it in such an agressive tone, I doubt she could ignore someone like that either. She was like the female part of me, "except that she smiles less," is what a friend of mine would say if he was around.

Again a loud sigh could be heard from the woman, though a smile appeared on her face she was trying to hide. "You're hopeless, Alex Brooks." She mentioned as she threw her sigarrete away.

I could only make a confident and proud nod upon hearing that. "I sure am, Chandra."
Without any further hesitation, I approached her and the hotel entrance and opened up my arms for her, making a small gesture that she had to go in. A little nod confirmed that she understood what I meant, but upon seeing her taking a step forward, I was wondering if she really did understand what I mean.
She placed her arm around my back and pushed her body against me. "It's cold," she softly spoke.
"I'm the bald snowman," I replied to her in a serious tone, which was naturally meant as a joke.

A small smile appeared on the face of the woman as she pushed me a bit harder against her. "It really is cold... do you keep ice in that jacket, or what?" She suddenly shouted at me, pushing me a bit away now.

"Your friend sneezed on me."

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Well, assuming you've read it, did you also learn about a little thing I placed in the story as a handicap for the main character? Well, if you don't, then read it again, as I'll make a part II of this one. Probably not a 'part III', but a part II will come... eventually. The handicap is a little add-on I thought of halfway throughout the story. I had to scroll a bit up to change a few things, but I don't think I missed anything. Someone who should figure it out quite fast is the member out here, Falcoknight. Though it's quite easy to figure out in general. I never saw anyone use it before in a story though.
Alex is a fictional character as well, based on nothing. Do keep in mind that he is the first bald character I've ever made.

This story has been made by request of more stories by a (close) friend of mine, who will receive this story in her email inbox some time soon. Like I said, writer's block or not, loads of stress or not, I cannot deny the request of a nice girl. =)

The story was partly created thanks to the two songs of Dutch artist, Guus Meeuwis. 'Brabant,' and 'Op straat' were songs that heavily inspired me to make this. All characters are fictional, except the homeless guy, who was partly made because of the song 'Op straat.'

This is not my entry for the Story Contest. This is something that I just had to write to stall some time for that friend of mine. I wrote it in two days of time, so I hope your expectations of a story of mine was too grand.
Well, that's it for now.

EDIT: Fixed some obvious mistakes.
 
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Well, obviously some major/minor errors in spelling in grammar - but you'd said you'd check over it..

Nice story anyways - though a little bit confusing near the end.

:infernal:
 

Fladian

New Member
And does he have...cancer? Meh, that's my guess.[/b]
Yes, and no. Except that he has it - which is a word I tried to avoid using in the story - there is something else as well.

btw, it's cigarette. just so you know.
[/b]
Yeah, I know.

EDIT: I've editted the main post (story). I fixed some obvious mistakes that I missed while writing it such as 'cigarette' or that I mentioned 'dressed' right after each other. Nothing special, but some mistakes nonetheless. I also added a little more information to it, some of it makes the handicap of the man a bit more clear.
 

james1654

New Member
You should not be encouraging and advertising ciggerettes, they seriously damage your health! - lol, kidding.
Anyway, i skiped abit because I'm not as keen a reader as I was a few weeks ago. I hate to admit this, but my personality is changing drastically, and what is worse is that it changes at different rates to my freinds at school.

Story is nice but not as good as your others. Personally I like action to happen within about 2 A4 pages, and a promising storyline posobility within the first 15 lines.
 

Fladian

New Member
If you are heavily interested in action, you won't find most of my stories interesting. I try to avoid action in every way possible.

Especially stories that are written by request are usually avoided of actions, such as this one.
 

Fladian

New Member
Then you'll probably find most of my stories boring. I tend to write Drama, Romance and a few others of similar genres. Writing without action is a challenge itself, something I enjoy doing.

Why add action when it's not necessary? What kind of action as well? A small fight in a pub? Nothing interesting, and nothing that helps drive the story forward.
Action isn't as important as most people think.
 

Fladian

New Member
No, it doesn't make the story go fast either. Action is just something which is part of a genre, not necessarily used to make the story go "fast."
My style of writing is slow, I know it, but that doesn't mean it's slow because there is no - to little - action.

Don't overestimate action.
 

Fladian

New Member
Not always either. Because many events have to take place at the same moment during action, you could say the story drives faster than most other genres, but I believe that those skilled in it are just as capable of doing so with other genres as well, where I see sci-fi (which I usually don't like) on the top.
There are also actions scenes I've read about that instead of sped up the story, it slowed it down. In one of those cases, it was a good thing, but in all others, it was quite bad.

The title of this story was thought up when the story was finished. It took me a while until I figured out that the name of this story is awfully similar to the one I am writing at the moment for the Story Contest. Therefore, I would like to make a little announcement:
This is not 'Whatever walks here... walks alone,' which will (likely) be my entry for the Story Contest.
 
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Fladian

New Member
Well, because 'Whatever walks here... walks alone' is planned for other things as well, I might make something else my entry. But that will fully depend on how much I am able to write when I'm in the train later on today... four hours should be enough time to get something done, I guess. It's saturday, so in the evening there is no decent radio DJ on after Jens... so...
 
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