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Anything & Everything
Stories
Eternal Smile
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<blockquote data-quote="Undead_Lives" data-source="post: 127674" data-attributes="member: 5928"><p>I personally don't like it. That's just because it says a lot about nothing and goes nowhere. This makes me feel as if it's pointless, I mean even short stories have action. This was just describing...</p><p>I noticed there was a drop in grammatical accuracy. Perhaps you're a little rusty? <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite7" alt=":p" title="Stick Out Tongue :p" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":p" /> Also, you started out in present tense, then you say you "look back on it" which doesn't make sense...</p><p>One more thing, the line "It suddenly has a much more attractiveness than the house I live in" is not well worded. A possible replacement is "It is suddenly more attractive than the house I live in."</p><p>I think it would be fine if it had something more going on. Or if it was just an exerpt of a larger piece.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Undead_Lives, post: 127674, member: 5928"] I personally don't like it. That's just because it says a lot about nothing and goes nowhere. This makes me feel as if it's pointless, I mean even short stories have action. This was just describing... I noticed there was a drop in grammatical accuracy. Perhaps you're a little rusty? :P Also, you started out in present tense, then you say you "look back on it" which doesn't make sense... One more thing, the line "It suddenly has a much more attractiveness than the house I live in" is not well worded. A possible replacement is "It is suddenly more attractive than the house I live in." I think it would be fine if it had something more going on. Or if it was just an exerpt of a larger piece. [/QUOTE]
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Anything & Everything
Stories
Eternal Smile
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