Rick wake up

Fladian

New Member
So do I. But when people are talking about a perfectionist (or a grammar nazi for that matter), they don't necessarily have to have a large vocabulary. It could also mean that they know exactly what words they can use, and which they can't.

I slowly expand mine, which is easily visible. Slowly, but surely, you can see me use words I did not use before, because I either did not know them, did not know how to use them or I was unsure of it. Eitherway, mine isn't all that big either, but like I said, you can slowly see the increase in my general vocabulary.
 
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Fladian

New Member
There are many more ways, but at this very moment, I am quite satisfied with my English. I am now concentrating a bit more on my native language and German. They are not of the level I wished they would be.
 

Fladian

New Member
Double post.

It might be nice to know that I am working on a next part of this story. Though I wasn't planning to continue it, I can't ignore the kind request of a girl. :p The quality of the original part is better though. It'll probably be done by tomorrow, if not, perhaps the day after. If it still isn't done then... well, monday then.
 

Fladian

New Member
With a loud grunt I finally opened my eyes. It felt like I could hear someone crying and calling out to me. It didn’t take much trouble to hear that a young boy was calling the name of ‘Laura’ over and over again.
I immediately slapped my face when I finally could hear who the voice was calling. It was my brother calling, my five year old little brother, Paul. I took a quite peek at the clock that was above my bed and I could feel my face getting pale. It was already past 10, meaning that I missed a class at school. I don’t get late often at school, but it does happen once in a while. Today was a bad day to get late though… my first period would be from Mr. Huberts, my homeroom teacher. Most teachers don’t mind it when you’re late once in a while, but Mr. Huberts is different. He immediately starts to shout and yell at you. I hate that man.

Because I could still hear Paul crying my name, I decided to get up. Without too much strength I stood up from my bed. I could feel my long blonde hair was completely out of shape. Even if I could still get to school in time, I wouldn’t do it with my hair like this. Without any second thought, I walked straight towards my door and wanted to go to Paul as soon as possible. Luckily, Paul’s room is close by; it was right next to mine, therefore, I could easily hear him crying. Tom, my other younger brother, he lives on the addict. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t hear Paul cry. He usually had some music on from some kind of popular band and he has it on quite loud too. After my dad started to scold him, he used a headphone, but that involved him putting the volume even higher. But even if he could hear Paul cry, he wouldn’t do anything anyway.
Right between Paul’s room and mine was a body-shaped mirror. I have to pass it every day to get downstairs, as it is on its way down. But since the day the mirror was placed there, I hated to pass it. When I would pass a few boys in town, I immediately had their attention. Though that may not sound too bad at the start, it does tend to get annoying after a while. My looks were exactly what guys are aiming for. Your typical blonde.
“Sheesh, where are mom and dad when you need them?” I muttered to myself as I opened the bedroom door of Paul. The curtains made sure the entire room stayed dark, and there was little to see. But after living in the same house and being in the same room for so long, I don’t even need light to know where Paul is… or what is going on. He’s just... hungry.

With a little strength, I pulled Paul up from his bed. It was clear, either my little brother was getting quite heavy, or I am really weak in my arms. “Laura?” The little boy asked me when being lift up. He immediately stopped crying when he was touched. It was always like that with Paul. When he is being lifted, he knows that he is safe from… whatever is going on. But it also indicates that he would get some attention, or in this case: something to eat.
“Come, let us get you something to eat,” I whispered to my blonde little brother. I always liked little children. They’re so small, cute and lovable, especially when they’re your little brother. While keeping Paul in my hands, I walked outside the room, finally back into the light.

“Morning, Laura,” brought me back to reality when I stood in the hallway with Paul in my arms. I quickly looked left, where the sound came from and immediately saw Tom standing there. My younger brother as well, though the age difference between Tom and me was only a few months. I’m exactly eight months older than Tom, but we resemble each other a bit in looks, despite us being brother and sister. The way Tom looked, it was if he was playing this online game again all night long. Sometimes I’d wonder, don’t these nerds need sleep too? Or are they some kind of new specie?
“Have you been online again all night, Tom?” I asked him with a strict tone. Tom looked completely out of shape, just like the guy living up the street, Rick; Tom like him, quite skinny. Though our faces look quite similar, despite being brother and sister, he really has the standard nerd looks combined with it.
“Don’t tell mom, ‘kay?” Tom quickly asked me while he took a step back and looked a bit uncomfortable. He probably thought he could hide his looks a bit by wearing a small jacket. His brown pants covered both his legs completely, but the jacket didn’t hid enough to show that he was looking exhausted. “She don’t like me staying up late.”
With a loud sigh I lifted my left hand and started to walk downstairs. Paul was getting heavy and I wanted to place him somewhere in the kitchen, so I could prepare something to eat for him. “Are you going to make breakfast for Paul?” Tom quickly asked me when I placed my first feet on the stairs.
“Yes, why?” I asked while turning around to look at Tom.
“Could you eh… make me my breakfast too? I’m quite hungry.”
“You’re hopeless.” I told him while turning my back to him and continued my trip downstairs to the kitchen. Walking the stairs was always boring. There used to be some kind of expensive painting here on the wall, but it was removed after my parents got into a fight and broke the painting. It was a shame, but such things just happen.

Yawning I continued my walk downstairs. Paul still in my arms, tight enough to not let him fall and loose enough to let him make his childish movements. “Should I still go to school, Paul?” I asked my little brother when we reached the first floor. I stopped my trip towards the kitchen and tried to have a conversation with my little brother. In vain though, as a giant smile appeared on the face of the young child while he started to blabber something of “school is fun. When can I go?” The only answer I gave him was a shaking head.
“Let’s get you something to eat, Paul.”

(made in an intramail during work)
 

Undead_Lives

New Member
Weird way to continue the story. Especially since your main character not only switched, but it switched genders.
Overall grammar mistakes weren't too bad, and the story itself was....bland? I dunno, I don't see very much depth to this. Which makes it uninteresting, at least to me.
 

Fladian

New Member
Rick Wake Up was uninteresting as it was since nothing in particular happened. The next one, which is related to the story of Rick (there has been one two other characters in the story of Rick, Laura was one of them) is this one about.
Like I said, the quality is completely different. But I "cannot deny the request of a kind girl" ^^
 

Fladian

New Member
That's what I said. It was never planned to have a second part (the first part was not even planned :p) but I just won't deny a request like that.

But it did came out better than I expected, considering in what kind of current situation I am in, or was when I wrote that.
 

Fladian

New Member
And again. The people that want to read stories of mine are slowly, but surely increasing. 'Rick wake up' (part I) is the first I sent too people, partly because of the length.
Perhaps I should try to focus on keeping to write like this.
 

Fladian

New Member
Rick was a non-important character, and instantly forgotten after finishing the story. He was made up from the spot with not a second of thinking, in opposite of many of my other stories, such as If, and only if.
Therefore, there is little to say about Rick now. I tried to describe the girl that was a bit introduced in part 1 in the second part, but as easily visible, that went pretty wrong.
 
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