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<blockquote data-quote="Fladian" data-source="post: 105897" data-attributes="member: 5833"><p>A nice story, though a tad short. </p><p>I can't really say there was anything to keep my mind on. No part of the story that really grabbed my attention or got me excited. That's a shame, but I can't say I disliked it, since I would be lying then.</p><p></p><p>Write some more, at the very least, there will be one person who'll read it <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> Though, a tad longer, if possible <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite7" alt=":p" title="Stick Out Tongue :p" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":p" /></p><p></p><p></p><p>In all honestly, this way of talking really ticked me off. You changed this in the second part, so I was happy with that.</p><p>You did make a grammar mistake in it, JetPack. 'We're', not "were." Hardly noticeable, but it happened to catch my sight.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This is the only other mistake I happened to find. 'Where', not "were." Again, barely noticeable, but I was stumbeling a bit at that sentence because of some 'outside-internet-situation', so I had to reread the sentence a few times over. Good job overal though.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fladian, post: 105897, member: 5833"] A nice story, though a tad short. I can't really say there was anything to keep my mind on. No part of the story that really grabbed my attention or got me excited. That's a shame, but I can't say I disliked it, since I would be lying then. Write some more, at the very least, there will be one person who'll read it ;) Though, a tad longer, if possible :P In all honestly, this way of talking really ticked me off. You changed this in the second part, so I was happy with that. You did make a grammar mistake in it, JetPack. 'We're', not "were." Hardly noticeable, but it happened to catch my sight. This is the only other mistake I happened to find. 'Where', not "were." Again, barely noticeable, but I was stumbeling a bit at that sentence because of some 'outside-internet-situation', so I had to reread the sentence a few times over. Good job overal though. [/QUOTE]
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