Ahoy mate

Fladian

New Member
With a ripped piece of cloth the blonde man brushed the sweat from his face. 'It was a grand day indeed', the man suddenly spoke as he looked to the stars that were located in the sky, while he felt the ground where he stood shaking a bit. The sun burned on the man's skin for many hours, but it was well worth it. Living on the ocean, together with some fellow sailors on a small ship meant that everyone had to work equally as hard. Sometimes, days on such a ship can be hard, especially for the captain. Captain Gerard Neestal.

Gerard still looked up to the stars, as if he saw something interesting in them. Something remarkable, something that would attract the attention of every soldier. But no matter how much Gerard kept watching to the stars, nothing changed, except the ever lasting drifting from the ship.

"Are you still awake, captain?" broke the silence of the night. Gerard's head immediately turned when he heard the unfamiliar voice speak to him. Without any hesitation, Gerard quickly pushed his hand to the side of his body to grab his dagger, if it would be necessary. Cursing himself only for a moment that he left his sword back in his cabin. But when Gerard's eyes finally adjusted to the light behind the man, he saw it was Nicolas Roth, meaning that there was no treat at all. Nicolas was a guest on the ship, and paid a decent price to travel along. Though because of his dark brown hair and his rough face it didn't give many of the crew a good impression of him. The way he asked to travel along, carrying a dark heavy plate mail really didn't help the impression either.

"Yeah, I have some last things to check. Why aren't you asleep" Gerard asked as he looked Nicolas straight into the eyes. It may have been remarkable, wouldn't Gerard be as tired as he was, but it was as if Nicolas' eyes were brighter than normally. Maybe they even gave a spark of light, to brighten up the area around his eyes. When any of this got to the mind of Gerard, he quickly shook his head, trying to dismiss the thought as quickly as possible. 'I'm tired, that's all to it', was the thought Gerard kept himself comforted with.

"I couldn't sleep, captain" Nicolas answered as he slowly approached the captain of the ship. Even though Nicolas made a bad impression of his self when he got on board of the ship, he seemed more trustworthy during the night alone with Gerard than before when the crew was around. "I'm not used to the waves, you see" Nicolas added to his previous sentence the moment he arrived next to Gerard.

"I see. Many people have that problem when they travel by ship when they're not used to it, mate" Gerard softly spoke as he turned around and looked into the dark blue ocean. Even though the lands are a beautiful place to live, some people prefer the seas over vast ground. Gerard was one of those people.

"Yes, captain. I am not used to travel by ship at all. I prefer to go through the woods, or anything else like that. But sometimes, like now, it is impossible to do so." Nicolas spoke as he placed his arm on the side of the boat, ticking a few times to the side of it, almost as if he was trying to test if it was good material. The facial expression of Nicolas could easily give away an ambush if he would be planning anything. Gerard was not worried though. Only Nicolas was taken onboard and there was no ship nearby. To only make the situation better, Neestal's crew was very trustworthy to their captain. They were a crew that knew each other for a long time and have been an inseperate group of sailors. That Gerard became captain was only coincidence. Anyone else who would have been qualified, could easily become one there too.

"Why is it impossible then? Adveturers like you usually never cease to travel, unless something big is going, or is happening" Gerard enquirred as he looked more strictly to the dark haired man. 'There was something in the atmosphere that wasn't right,' that was the only thing Neestal could say for sure, but what exactly was the question. 'Is Nicolas a thief? A spy?' floated through the thoughts of the captain. 'Were they planning of attacking the Sea Horse?' Gerard kept thinking, worrying him self without any concrete evidence.

"Summons, captain. I have been summoned to the western castle" Nicolas answeres in a polite way, while trying to avoid direct eye contact with the captain of the ship, the Sea Horse.

"You were summoned, you say?" Gerard asks, frowning a little. Being summoned to a castle is a great honor, especially to a royal castle, like the 'Western Castle', "that must have been quite an honor, Nicolas" Gerard speaks as he tries to regain eye contact with the muscular shaped man.

"It is, but I am quite used to it, captain. It hasn't been the first time that I have been summoned by a royal castle" Nicolas answers politely again, yet still trying to avoid any eye contact which could have been possible. "Lord Zarn Rasmussen has been directing me to all manner of places in the past."

"Seriously? Well, if you have such an important mission, mate, I suggest you'd go back to your cabin and try to catch some sleep" Gerard friendly answers.

"Yes, you are right, captain" I should get some sleep. "I should always listen to my betters" Nicolas smilingly answers as he turns his back to the young captain and leaves to his cabin. While walking, he lifts his hand in the sky and makes a little 'bye bye' gesture to captain Neestal.

Gerard quickly turns around when Nicolas is out of sight. "Being summoned by Zarn Rasmussen is a lie!" Gerard spoke, perhaps a bit too loud. 'Zarn Rasmussen does not have permission to summon anyone to the royal castle. As a matter of fact, he has no permission to summon anyone who is outside of the castle area', flew through the mind of the blonde captain in a short time. More worries appeared in his mind, 'could he be a thief?' was perhaps the most common one. 'Should I wake up August or Aaron?' immediately arrived afterwards in the mind of the captain. 'No!' was yelled in his own mind. 'I should let them sleep. I am the captain of the Sea Horse, I should handle this in any way possible.' With that thought, Gerard moved his hand to his belt and softly dragged out his dagger to the chill outside sky. The blade shined in the moon light and it looked of high quality. Grabbing the hilt tightly, Gerard softly walked to the sleeping cabins.

'I am the captain.'

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There. A short story about an NPC in the Campaign/RPG of mine. The character in the game has no importance, but I thought it would be nice to write something random about it. How the situation ends depends a bit on how you play in the game :p Though I could make a different ending of course.

This definitely isn't the way I like to write, and it can easily be seen as well. I'm sure of it. But compared to last year, I am really a dried-up well. I don't have the creativity I used to had, and I have problems writing the simplest of stories. I have been working on one single story for a few months now, but that's not only because I don't know how to continue, but it is also because I deleted a lot during the story. Several paragraphs are written a day, but only a few sentences are left at the end of the week because I'm not satisfied with it. Therefore, the story is still very small - and too small to even post - but in opposite of all my other stories - except If, and only if - I am very, very satisfied with how the story is progressing. Except that it is so slow...

In the mean time, I hope you guys enjoy this one. This is just something I randomly wrote for no particular reason, just like 'Rick Wake Up.' I was thinking of continueing 'Rick Wake up' but I'm not sure how to continue, because Rick Wake up was written spontanelously, in opposite of the story I am writing now - which doesn't have an official name yet.
 
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This story seems to be the middle of something, you don't understand everything. Like seeing the middle of a movie, but not the begining or end. Nevertheless I enjoyed this story, it's just...there.
Point is I liked it but maybe you could 'buff' it up a little.
 

Fladian

New Member
The story was quite random and has no real different meaning. I just had to take a little break from writing all dialog triggers from my project. While working on the sailor, 'Gerard Neestal', I thought I could write something about him too, not necessarily something special.

You see, the first 'mission' which can be aquirred by Gerard Neestal as well, is about his "stolen cargo." I can't recall I said anything about the cargo in the story, but I did give a hint there was a cargo. I also made it quite clear that Nicolas was there for more than one reason.

There is no beginning, that is true. I never gave a proper introduction to Gerard Neestal, nor did I give a proper introduction to Nicolas. As a matter of fact, Nicolas was an optional character and his name was picked out of a name generator. I just searched for a name in the first two lists that could have fitted my imaginary image of him and used it. Voila.
Throughout the story, I gave a few little details about the appearance of both characters. "Muscular dark haired man" (Nicholas) and "young blond captain" (Gerard Neestal) though I also mentioned a certain "Aaron" and another guy, who's name I can't even remember. They were also names I thought of that moment, and who are completely optional.

Eventually, there is no real end to it either, but I think I explained it quite clearly why that is the case. I doubt I'll continue this story, because it was only something randomly written. The writing style of the story is bad though, the concept is not good or original either and there are far too little details in it to satisfy even the slightest. But, it does show me that I am still able to write, which I was afraid, I couldn't anymore.

As a last note. I find the 'end' of this story (or whatever you consider 'end' :p) quite satisfying, in opposite of the entire story :p It gave me the mood I wanted to create. Expected, short and most of all, chaotic.
 

Undead_Lives

New Member
A good short story (for you atleast...lol) but there were a few things that bugged me.
1. When people adress a captain, its "Captain" not "captain". When they say it to a person, it is a title, just like Lord or Duke. However, when they are thinking, captain is suitable because it does not refer to the specific captain, in your case.
2. "Gerard friendly answers." This sentence just does not...seem right. I can't put my finger on it, but it sound wrong.
I think I should write a tutorial in the Stories section to help you guys that are ESL (English as a Second Language) with grammar.

PS: I personally like to use Cap'n in my stories.
 
A good short story (for you atleast...lol) but there were a few things that bugged me.
1. When people adress a captain, its "Captain" not "captain". When they say it to a person, it is a title, just like Lord or Duke. However, when they are thinking, captain is suitable because it does not refer to the specific captain, in your case.
2. "Gerard friendly answers." This sentence just does not...seem right. I can't put my finger on it, but it sound wrong.
I think I should write a tutorial in the Stories section to help you guys that are ESL (English as a Second Language) with grammar.

PS: I personally like to use Cap'n in my stories.
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1. Not a big concern, really.
2. Yeah that could be answered, it's past tenseish. Answeres is like future tense.

PS: Yeah Cap'n is for when the sailors have bad grammar!

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But really, this grammar thing isn't such a big of a deal, I can understand ev eryone perfectly fine on this site, besides we have school to go to. Then again it's not my call if Fladian wants a grammar lesson :p


PS: I am ESL too =P
 

Undead_Lives

New Member
Hunter, for your answer to 2, shouldn't be past tense. The rest of the story is going along with how he wrote it, as answers. "answers" is present progressive tense.
(Btw, I learned that from Spanish class, go figure. :/)
 

Kem Rixen

New Member
But really, this grammar thing isn't such a big of a deal, I can understand ev eryone perfectly fine on this site, besides we have school to go to. Then again it's not my call if Fladian wants a grammar lesson :p [/b]
Grammar and spelling may not be important in informal things, when writing however it is very necessary to get the point accross.
 

Fladian

New Member
Ok story but just cant beat Rick Wake Up, that is your true masterpiece :p
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What? =\ If, and only if is my masterpiece :p Rick Wake Up is only a short, non important story with nothing special.

1. When people adress a captain, its "Captain" not "captain". When they say it to a person, it is a title, just like Lord or Duke. However, when they are thinking, captain is suitable because it does not refer to the specific captain, in your case.[/b]
Ah. Thank you, in all honestly, I didn't know that.

I think I should write a tutorial in the Stories section to help you guys that are ESL (English as a Second Language) with grammar.[/b]
You could do that for others, but don't expect me to pay real attention to it ;) I still have a lot of confidence in my grammar when I'm serious - which I wasn't in this story, which I mentioned somewhere. The only time when I lose all my confidence is when my brother is near me... ugh...

PS: I personally like to use Cap'n in my stories.
[/b]
Liking or not liking it, I could not use it. Nicolas is no sailor, just an adventurer.

1. Not a big concern, really.[/b]
Wrong. It is.

But really, this grammar thing isn't such a big of a deal, I can understand ev eryone perfectly fine on this site, besides we have school to go to. [/b]
Not such a big deal, you say? I think it is. I am related to a grammar nazi for one, and I am quite fond on a good/decent grammar. That I have a 'perfect' or 'good' grammar will never come out of my mouth though. I am constantly comparing myself to a grammar nazi -_-' and I'm still years away from that. Not to mention that my English grammar has gone down over this short amount of time because of my interest in Dutch radio.

Posting in normal posts should have normal and decent grammar as well, Hunter. Though some shortages are fine, I don't like them. I'd prefer normal words that are written the way they are supposed to.

Then again it's not my call if Fladian wants a grammar lesson :p
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No one here is able to give me a proper grammar lesson at the moment ;) Perhaps Kem can, but I doubt anyone else at this moment.
You'll have to wait until I'm in a chaotic mood or when I'm tired. But I have been awake for a few hours now and I am 100% at this moment. Like always during this time of the day - w00t, the morning show on the radio :p

Grammar and spelling may not be important in informal things, when writing however it is very necessary to get the point accross.
[/b]
Exactly. Not to mention that it would look plain stupid when a sentence reads: 'I want go to the candy shop.'

Kem, would you like me to write up a Tutorial on grammar and such? Since I'm kinda really used to it...since it's my first language :D
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By all coincidence, Undead. I have been reading a tutorial about writing. But I'm far from finished. It's huge and I get scared when I just look at it. So during dinner, I read a page. :p

I'm going to school...
 

Fladian

New Member
In a story in it isn't the importance that people can understand you. It depends heavily on your grammar skills.

I can write a giant story without using a single period or comma. Though would be pretty much impossible to read, but people will understand it. But that is NOT the way to write a story.
 
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Undead_Lives

New Member
My tutorial wouldn't be huge Flad, in fact I was thinking of basing it off of things I saw in forums that seem to happen a lot. And, if anyone has questions, I would also add that to the tutorial. It would start out small, and grow larger very slowly.
 
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